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Retail, gods and goggles.

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Traditional, brick and mortar, small-sized retailers in Australia are an amusing crowd. 

Competitive ranges of products, pricing strategy, fierce competition do not exists here: instead, a great many of those small retail shops are actually a cult. 

I have a strong suspicion that many of those guys and gals believe that by opening a retail store they PLEASE THE GODS! After that holy deed, they just seem to sit on their arses waiting for miracles in form of customers entering and buying something from their sorry ass range. And indeed they are granted this miracle,  since those stores continue to exist and their owners look well-fed. 


Truth is, those retailers are like goggles: they do nothing. 

Last saturday I went into a tobacconist shop in with a simple desire to buy some pipe tobacco. One would think that the tobacco store next to the supermarket which already carries most of conventional smoking products would have to do something and offer extended range or service to its customers, but no. They don't need to: The Gods are already pleased, and from that point on all that a shopkeeper has to do is to stare through the dirty window at well-legged females strutting by. There is no need to sell anything even slightly specialised: "people in this area are not interested in those products" he says. 

No shit, Sherlock. People in this area do not need another useless shop with a clueless shopkeeper either. And the first reason these people travel 10+km to the nearest worthy tobacco store in the city is because they know precisely, that local shops aren't here for them. They are here to please The Gods of retail. 

And this is why I do welcome online stores. The Gods seems to be much less pleased by those, so anyone selling anything over the internet actually has to work his or her (i prefer her) arse off in order to survive, and this includes better range, better prices and probably blackjack with hookers too. It also usually means that there is no low wage, clueless shopkeeper from funny country inside, and no one will fearfully eye me, expecting potential anal trauma I could deliver for having a lamantine instead of sales assistant. 

I'm not sure, why did the situation became so dire. Maybe it's because in Australia, the market outside major brands and mainstream goods is so scarce that any crap you stock will eventually be sold for twice its normal price, simply because it's better than nothing. 

Or maybe it's local councils which are to blame: they do have a say in what shops will be around and where. Those guys can be blamed for anything odd going in the urban area anyway: the only thing they good at is to fill coffins with themselves (only parking inspectors best them in this job), yet somehow they get a say in almost anything. 

Truth is, it doesn't really matter. There is a place there, without councils (yet), bored brain-dead shopkeepers who are as attractive as herpes, and with blackjack and hookers indeed. So screw you brick and mortar specialized stores, I'll buy my stuff on-line. 

It is wrong - but it feels so good!

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The miracle of exchange rates is upon us!

US $36.00 (Approximately AU $36.00)

Yes, I realize this is bad, hurting our exporters, does not really make retailers to lower prices on imported products, and so on, but somehow this still make me smile in stupid amusement (as in, more stupidly than usual). 

Still yet to figure why. 

Angry Birds are angry! And made of birds.

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In a year of our lord 2011 I've finally succumbed and installed Angry Birds.

I resisted till the end, but It kind of was facilitated by the fact that they are now available for it seems every device possible, including irons and industrial meat grinders. 

My excuse is that I've got it on Nokia N900: first of all, it's free there. 

More importantly, it adds a meaning to the otherwise futile existence of N900: before this game I simply had no idea what to use that rather magnificent device for. Now there is a meaning for this technological marvel (and utter marketing failure) of it's time. 

Mogambo is pleased. 


June 2011

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